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My mother was 43 when I arrived. Older than most mums, she had already helped bring up her three younger brothers after her father had been incapacitated during the war.

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My mother was 43 when I arrived. Older than most mums, she had already helped bring up her three younger brothers after her father had been incapacitated during the war.

There was no need. Let me reassure the Mumsnet community that if that is all they have to complain about when it comes to teenage boys, then they have got away pretty lightly. Most men reading this are fully aware of what must have happened. No big deal.

His mother was disgusted but where was the praise for putting the lid back on? This is not a thoughtless boy.

A female friend of a friend was staying overnight in a bedroom belonging to a teenager alone, I hasten to add and woke up to find a procession of teenage bogies, about 12 in total, arranged in a line at eye level. Not only that, they had all been marked out of ten and given a date appended for a brief description "4th June.

Similarly, a room used to keep his used condoms in an old Scalextric box and guy occasionally display the contents for first time visitors to Woman want nsa Deary room in a bravura display of his dedication to the pursuit of onanism - rather than the of sexual conquests he was erroneously claiming.

This is all typical behaviour and reflects the OCD strain in most males and also the compulsive urge to collect things, anything. A teenager of my acquaintance kept decomposing frogs in tupperware containers under his bed and a logbook detailing where and when he had found them.

Where do you think teenage boys keep their stash? In the kitchen?

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It would take a full three-day shake down with dogs from the drugs unit to reveal the contraband even the most normal teenage boy might have secreted around his room. Typically, these will be flick knives smuggled back into the country after a school trip to France and kitchen knives under the pillow for the more timorous teenagers fearful of break-ins and probable kidnap.

Have a wild guess. My brother-in-law, sitting downstairs reading the paper at the time, described it as one of the most terrifying experiences of his life — and he used to be a bodyguard in Amsterdam. Photo: Alamy.

Did I mention drugs? And then there are the dangerous weapons.

Oh, and be aware that a crusty sock is not always what it seems.